Damaged

I feel overwhelmed by the multiple thoughts haunting my mind every day and every night. Gotta get in the car and just drive… I stop when I reach my precious stop, just a place where I can release my feelings surrounded by the most precious view of my city, the only place where its lights shine as much as the stars above. I pull out a cigarrete and give it a long, precious breath. It’s the shittiest vice anyone can have, but screw it. It’s like every breath you take helps you to withdraw the stuff out of your mind and to balance you out. The night is deep, I look down the city. I bet everyone’s a sleep. Sometimes I envy them, but there’s too much going on right now, my mind’s a mess. Too much damage I suppose. I wanted to be like them, careless, oblivious… happy? Maybe. On the other hand, I can see so much beauty that usually people don´t see or don’t care. I can see people even better than they do, their brightest features and their darkest faults. Sometimes I just want to make the difference, you know? A small gesture with someone can be so much important. That’s the greatest gift everyone can do. Don’t know why I do it, they don’t care. Not even Karma gives a little boost to straight things out sometimes. Oh well… I suppose I don’t give a crap about karma anyway. I feel lonely out here. Not a single soul to hear me or comfort me, only the echoes of my thoughts and the nocturnal sounds far away… I think on everything I accomplished, but mostly everything I lost. And I’ve lost so many things, so many people. Wish I could go back… Sometimes I still think about you. Wonder where you are… hope you’re okay. I miss you. Well it´s time to hit the road, I suppose. That everlasting black way that will get me somewhere. Nothing to hold me back, nothing waiting for me ahead. It’s sad, it´s freedom, it’s nothing, it’s everything… All my feelings get mixed with the sound of the tunes passing by. When I reach the 90s, the rush becomes more intense, and my mind gives me a deserved break from itself. I get home, I’m at peace, for brief moments. Then tomorrow something will press the reset button and where we go again… Damn it, too much damage.