Unspoken Thoughts

It´s late. Maybe I should go to sleep. Just can´t. don’t know why specifically but I think I have an idea. It´s like everything you feel has so much more intensity in late time. Your mind plays tricks on you and chooses to keep you awaken for no particular reason other make you feel a total train wreck. Let me grab a pen and a notebook, and try to make some sense in this emotional storm. I’m thinking about you. Only you. There were so many things I should have said but I can´t now. It’s too late for emotional rubbish. They´re just too overwhelming. You wouldn´t understand. Even I don’t understand them. Why you? Why me? What´s this all about? I suddenly realized that you´re always in my mind. Don’t know why. Maybe I’m the problem and I have some issues to take care of, like being apart from you, despite my best efforts to stay close to you. There´s a good chance that I’m feeling things that can be considered “love”. Funny thing, I was always rational about it, especially not having any attachments. I don’t know, there’s something about you… I love the way you smile, it´s like the prettiest smile I have ever seen in a woman. Anyone who gets to see it will know what I’m talking about, especially if you smiled towards someone. You´re always on defense mode. It´s so difficult to talk to you sometimes… without having the regular chitchat. It´s such a good thing that we have some things in common, but I feel that we could have share so much, especially when I can see such emotional deepness in your eyes. I can see whether your happy, or melancholic, confused, or angry, without you saying a single word about it. I´ve seen you sad so many times, I just wanted to hold you and tell you, everything’s going to be alright. I feel that you measure a lot the weight of the future, about making difficult choices, and that put you in a constant circle of routines, with people who just want to wear you out. You have a certain flame that spurs from you. A fortitude that shows such how wonderful you simply are. I’m afraid that you let your flame burn out, if you don´t break the circle of vices you let yourself get involved into. Slowly I’m learning the fact that I will never be a significant part of your life. You know what? It doesn´t matter anymore. I just wish you the best now, and that you can achieve your goals and dreams. Geez, what a sentimentalist prick I’ve become. Can you ever tell that I could be simply happy just because you’re happy? Talking about platonic love huh? Well... As long as you’re okay, I’m okay… with or without you. I´m pretty sure that I was the one who blew it. I blew it, like a classic fool, and it tears me up. I have said what I was unsure to say back then, but ironically, I would be more than ready now. Life it’s like a dark hallway where you not very sure where you’re heading to. Everything is strange, everyone is unique. Maybe I’m just trying to give it some flavour. Or maybe I have never felt so attached to someone which I barely know, merely by the emotional deepness that your eyes constantly show. Who knows? I guess it’s time to move on, to embrace other things in life, new experiences, new friends, and the normal cliché talk about moving on and so on. One thing I know for sure. I’ll always be there for you, even if you put me in the inner part of your acquainted list, the seventh circle of your friendzone, it’s already worth it. There’s something about you know… It´s late, maybe I should give a rest to my pen and sheets and just try to go to sleep. Lock all these melancholic feelings in some obscure part of my brain, and wake up in a few hours with high hopes of feeling different. It´s been exhausting the overload of feelings, but I guess it’s worth to pretend talking to you with unspoken thoughts.